yap session
obligatory cawntent wahrning: im a 16 year old woman whos kinda a hhoooeeeeeeeee so this is me ranting about men and also women and its shallow AF go read my other stuff if u want something more substantial
ok but ive been observing myself from a bearing of 180 degrees due north and measuring myself from an omniscient third point of view. you know breaking the fourth wall and all that shit. and seriously the only thing ive concluded is that my type is emotionally vulnerable twinks with interests. like in men i have 3 standards they need to fulfill 1.) must complete at least 3 twink requirements 2.) must be an extreme level geek that would watch magical girl anime/cosmic horror cartoons and come to cons with me 3.) must not be absolutely unlookable 4.) must be at least one of the above: a feminist, queer, or politically active and not a creep. and look number 3 sounds shallow but i have at least SOME substantial level of standards. they are not in the ground. for standard 4 i can equip the "ill fix u" mentality unless they dont fulfill clause one of standard 4 in which i refuse to fix creeps. i believe in transformative justice but not for people who are creepy to me personally that i intend to date. actually tbh if they fulfill every other one of the standards maybe i can try to fix one's creepdom. but i believe in my "ill fix u" mentality because i was NOT a debate girl for over 5 years now just to not be able to make men feminists. or make them like, idk, antiorientalists. oh ya and they have to NOT have an asian fetish that would be so embarrassing atp dont go for a halfie go for the full thing. on standard 3 im not rlly into brad pitt typa guys (not that they exist in high school) i have a more specific refined taste (literally anyone but a misogynistic andrew tate lookin white guy). in girls its more general bc i dont have to judge them as much. i just like butches that are geeks. honestly the only make or break is if theyre a geek or not and if they wont cosplay with me whats the point in dating them anyways? if they dont care whats the point anyways.... i know a lil too many people with a complete and utter lack of interest in just... things in general and imo that is so red flag unattractive turn off to me!!!! and that sounds so boriiinggggg god dont be boring ! back to my standards. in order i think that 2.) 4.) 3.) and 1.) are most important to me from most to least. anyways i was watching hazbin hotel and its kinda cute i love charlie n i love the aesthetics i heard some bad things about the creator but im not gonna get buried in more drama. obviously separating the art from the artist and stuff is not the greatest but i kinda still wanted to watch the show. defeating my morals for my interests oops. i just realized that people who read this probably think wow thats a bisexual girl who calls herself bi for attention becs she sounds like a heteroflexible or smth like that but i have dated 5 women and 1 man so my ratios r not looking good. and the 1 man was 2 weeks in 6th grade where we had a mutual pokemon trading system and then he moved away with our pet rock without telling me. like girl theres no way . i never saw him again either. also i literally cant stop falling in love with my friends its so EMBARRASSING!!!!!! ugh........ im so doomed. in a more femcel tone: i think ive read every revue starlight fanfic on ao3 (except for the rlly fucked up ones), ive read almost every davekat ff on ao3 (except for the rlly fucked up ones), and my ao3 stats r so funny bc why is my top tag hurt/comfort. haha. what i was saying b4 is i like emotionally vulnerable people too but i feel like when i break up w them theyll start spilling my chidlhood trauma to their friends as a laugh. like that literally DID happen. so i feel like i gotta rlly trust sm1 to not do that broken hearted emojis.... like one of my exes was facetime screensharing our breakup text messages to one of her friends and it was literally about me having a really fucking bad panic attack and also talking ab my home life xDxD LOL!!!. like i js dont send that typa shit to my friends bc then it can get around???? idk. its weird. im kinda scared of dating girls rn. lifes weird. i rlly hope no one i know irl is reading this because i dont want u to think its about you??? ive dated around a lot esp in the last few mnths so i just hope theyre not finding these idk.... some guy called me ran thru a few months ago which is NOT CUTE!! "ohhh so u get passed around" NO BRUH!!!!!!! its not even that bad. im a asian with prretty good grades who has issues and also nice hair and my rice purity scores a 65. i hate being a spectacle and i hate hate hate attention thats why i quit debate but i still love performance (thats why i do color guard). i wish i was not a specimen that people could form judgements on!ok bye this has gotten TOO LONG god i hope no ones reading this it would be so humiliating