Lapis lace, shale and saber
On being dirty, tainted: Let’s revel in the shine of blunt failure, my anger is the antidote to your whitened teeth / God, I just want to feel and dance and tumble and be a freak, but be free. So free that I regrow like the vines, scaling the tree like a dying teapot, making no sense, no sense at all / I am alive— awake a dyke, dead, dead, by purity, quietly opening my eyes, the others can stand on the streets and I’m just opening my eyes, turning to my side to see the window, broken irises and torn-out sheets of tissue paper / I want it all to be quiet, it’s all fucking possible, holographic sheets of blue-colored blood rain dazzling the eyes of the silent saviors, every minute I live another hour in agony, the blood is my blood, ripped from me the day I was thrown violently to the ground, shards poking into my body every time a blue-green tear merged the white of my eyes, the protected can watch and maybe even mourn a bit / candlelight at the church for the fags / I can’t even look at men without being scared, they don’t understand, rage doesn’t work so I tried fear, and the fear, it never stops, follows me to bed and wakes me up with a knife / I want to be lovely and I want to feel safe, that’s it, that’s it— to not cry and cry and have those awful iridescent salt-amalgamations burn my eyes, I want to see clearly, and to put away my war and fight it whenever I want to / to give my body only to the ones I trust can hold it with me together